Relationships are complicated to say the least. Sometimes we are drawn to them by history, titles given, or common ground during a major life change. They can be filled with laughs, tears, with warm hugs and soft careful words.  They can also be filled with hurt feelings, imbalanced caring, and a mountain of history you can’t run from.  I have had to say goodbye to people in my life as time has gone on. I have walked away with my head down and a broken heart. Knowing it was the best choice for me but longing for a world where things could be different.  Sometimes the relationship has slowly turned…

As special needs parents, we often feel shifts in our presence of quiet pings of exclusion. These pings happen before we have a diagnosis, and daycare providers or teachers start talking to us about our child’s development. They look down or away as they explain how your child doesn’t fit in or ask questions about any new changes at home causing behavioral disruption. They comb over all the differences in daily comments on sheets sent home or group photos taken of the children at circle time with views of our children playing off to the side by themselves. They say things like, “the other children are being patient with our…

Thinking back on the last year, I have been reflecting on how hard it was to fill out so many development boxes with no, how I felt defeated as a Mother and lingered in feelings that I somehow had failed my firstborn, beautiful baby boy. That under this new autism umbrella, we would be lost in the heavy rain of the neurotypical world’s expectations. I was ashamed of all the things I didn’t know. Missing all the tools, I would later gain that we’re not given to me early on. I did not understand that our son was trying to communicate how his system processed input from the outside world…

What does intimacy mean? The definition of intimacy, closeness, a cozy private atmosphere. I have often been thinking about intimacy. How, over time, intimacy changes. Like small seasons of closeness. It changes in romantic relationships, it changes in friendship, and it changes with our children. When I think of my relationships with my husband, Nick, our intimacy has never been the flashy weekend getaways with thousands of Instagram worthy pictures. It hasn’t been an intimacy found over date night monthly box subscriptions sent to our house, although I would be open to trying it. At the beginning of our relationship, my husband drove a Chevy Blazer. He loved that car.…

Since Nixon was a tiny baby, he has been drawn to the water. We would put him in the tub, and he would kick his legs as fast as he could. We were surprised by his ability to move so quickly at such a young age. When his language began to develop, we got the most words out of him when he was in the bath, pool, or water activity. If he is having a tough week, a swim in our favorite creek has a magical ability to reset him. You can see the physical change in his body, his stress fades and words start to form again. His love…

As a child, I could always count on a special day for my birthday. Growing up in a house full of children, days when the focus was only on you, were limited. On our birthday, we got a special cake, got to pick what dinner we wanted, and had ice cream made out of an old hand-churned ice cream maker. This was something I wanted to make sure to pass on to my children. Every year I take the kids birthday off work, and we plan a special outing. In December 2019 it was our daughter Nora’s first birthday. Winter in Arizona is filled with 70-degree weather, so a trip…