Living in a world of opposites

Living in the polar opposites, quiet and loud, lonely and grateful, small and large, present and searching.

Today we celebrated Easter, it was a nice day. The kids explored their Easter baskets we took photos and watched each minute of excitement.

I thought of my family and how many holidays have passed since we have been together. I thought of the massive amounts of growth both our children have had over the last year.

As I watched my daughter wiggle out of her clothes for the 100th time, I thought about how spectacular her motor skills are.

As Nixon named off the items in his basket, I thought about how he was just developing language last year.

It was loud and it was quiet. We spend the day in the backyard as the kids splashed in the pool. We heard the birds chirping as the season changes from fall to the hot Arizona summer.

We have learned that talking about somethings to early can lead to a world of emotions. Our kids didn’t ask for the Easter bunny, they didn’t talk of dyed eggs, or Easter egg hunts and we have learned that we need to move and shift with them. This might not be something that lasts, they may eventually become aware of days like this, we just aren’t there yet.

It felt lonely and I also felt greatful. I miss the holidays filled with family and friends. With shared traditions of dyed eggs, Easter cookies, and Easter bunnies. I felt grateful for the quiet holiday which works better for our family. The simple baskets of joy, one special gift they each love, no hussle and bussle to get places at a certain time.

Both of our children sharing in each other’s baskets as the day progressed. Trading off toys that were left on the table, and yes fighting over putty like brothers and sisters do.

It felt small like another Sunday before the start of our large week ahead. I get glimpses of our children and am I reminded that these are the days I will remember most. Surrounded by laughs, candy, and food ordered in.

I felt present as I watched them open their holdiay joy. I was in the moment as the excitement from our son of one simple baby T-rex filled the room. I watched our daughter as she explored her new putty that she absolutely loved. I tried to avoid searching for things that weren’t there.

We live in a world of polar opposites most of the time.

We are learning that our experience, with it all, is truly our experience. I am getting much better at leaving my expectations at the door and living in where we are right now.

I absolutely miss our family and friends. I wish they could be here sharing our special kind of joy surrounded around small Easter baskets.

To see Nixon’s face light up with each new toy. To watch as Nora ditches the toys to carry around a basket with 10 tiny candies in it. As they each explore the new with their whole being.

I know that parts of this aren’t forever but I also know parts of it are.