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What does intimacy mean, the changing intimacy seasons

What does intimacy mean? The definition of intimacy, closeness, a cozy private atmosphere.

I have often been thinking about intimacy. How, over time, intimacy changes. Like small seasons of closeness.

It changes in romantic relationships, it changes in friendship, and it changes with our children.

When I think of my relationships with my husband, Nick, our intimacy has never been the flashy weekend getaways with thousands of Instagram worthy pictures. It hasn’t been an intimacy found over date night monthly box subscriptions sent to our house, although I would be open to trying it.

At the beginning of our relationship, my husband drove a Chevy Blazer. He loved that car. He would pick me up in it, and because it didn’t have automatic locks, he would have to open my door with the key. From our first date until it eventually died, he would always walk shoulder to shoulder with me, unlock my door with the key, and then open the door for me. A little gesture that was filled with intimacy.

As our relationship blossomed, he would buy me small gifts. He says that I truly fell in love with him when he unexpectedly brought me blue Powerade, yes we are a Powerade family, cough drops, and some snacks when I caught a winter cold. This act was filled with small comforting intimacy.

In the early years, he bought me a new disk man, and we’re talking about the expensive first models for CDs, because I had a night job working cleaning the library at my work-study job during my first attempt at college. He knew I would be walking the library at night in complete silence, and he wanted to fill it with music. I subsequently broke, said disk man, by slipping on the ice and falling on it, which he forgave, as clumsiness is part of my charm. This a forgiving type of intimacy.

When we had our son, he slept on a cot in a cold room as I struggle to recover in the ICU for ten days. He watched as I fought to find myself after a devastating birth story. He made sure to whisper that our boy was fine quietly, and I would get a chance to hold him soon. As I was in a fog of morphine and heartache, he reassured me with a quiet intimacy.

After our daughter’s birth, as I struggle with postpartum depression, I was filled with new darkness he has never seen from me. He would let me voice my anxiety over what our daughter was eating, sleeping, her diaper rash, and gave us space so I could bond with her. This was a second chance with her at the closeness I missed with our son due to our NICU experience. Intimacy promised to come when there was space for him.

When we were going through the process of getting our son diagnosed with autism, he would tell me no matter what, we were going to be ok, and we would do whatever we could to make sure he would have the best life. That our son would know we were always cheering in the background. It was confident intimacy that I needed more than anything.

We may not have that early relationship sweet open the door for you intimacy that we once had, but now we have a deep rich carry you through type of intimacy. As our life has become richer with deep experiences, so has our intimacy.

© 2020, Tabitha Cabrera. All rights reserved.

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